He Won't Let Me Call

Dear Diva Rebecca,

I have been dating this guy for about 3 months. In the beginning, he allowed me to call him everyday, but then he started putting restrictions on when I could call such as do not call him after 8:30 he is sleeping, do not call during favorite tv show, do not call when I have company, and do not call at any point during the hours 7 to 5 he is working. I was okay with these restrictions because I thought they were reasonable. We continued to have dates twice a week and have sex more than that. Things were fine for a while until the other Sunday. I had called him that morning, and he told me he was not feeling good and would call me later. By 7:45 that evening, he still had not called, so I made the mistake in calling him. His housekeeper/nanny for his child answers the phone, and she told me that she would tell him that I called. I did not know she would go and wake him up to tell him this. When Monday evening rolled around, I still had not heard from him. I knew he had to go to court again today (custody issues), so I called him. The witch answers the phone again, says he is out. After he did not return my calls and did not meet me for the usual lunch date, I began to suspect something was wrong. Especially after I tried to call him to find out why he bailed out on me and that woman answers the phone only to tell me not to call back. I began to wonder what had happened. He calls me the next morning, only to say that he was furious at me and did not want to speak to me because I called him when he said that he would call me; I was so much in shock all I could do was hang up the phone. However, later I was so angry with myself for not expressing my own feelings to him that I wrote him a letter telling him exactly how I felt: hurt, confused, and angry. For two days afterwards, we did not speak to each other, and we avoided each other. That is until one afternoon I broke down and called him. He was still angry at me but was willing to talk. He said that my calling him everyday was getting to him and he wanted some space. I was told the his restrictions were so that he could have that breathing room; however, it still was not enough. He told me that I was obsessive in calling him once a day, and he asked me to stop it. He said that if I wanted to go and find someone else how would tolerate this, I was welcome to; however, he did not want me to but would not hold me back. After assuring me that while he was angry, he still liked me, he ended the call by saying that he would call me when he was ready to pick things back up.

Sincerely,

Phone Tag,

Dear Phone Tag,

This email made me so angry. I seriously wanted to jump through my computer via some space-time continuum portal and arrive at your manjerk's computer only to dive on top of him and squeeze his head to death with my super strong thighs. Of course I would be wearing a Xena outfit as well. The mental images I was creating, of his demise, were truly gratifying. I can almost picture him too. Is this guy a man who always wears the same suits, perfectly pressed, never has a wrinkle in his shirts and never has one hair out of place? This guy probably needs an enema, he is way too frigid and uptight in my mind. Okay, Okay, I'll stop bashing on him.

I must turn my anger and wrath and bash on you a little bit. Don't worry, it won't hurt much. When he first started putting restrictions on when you could call, this should have been a red flag to you. At first he was "allowing" you to call whenever you wanted (please note the use of your word "allowed") and then he began telling you when not to call. This is simply outrageous. If you have a relationship with some guy, you should be free to call whenever you want. In a happy relationship, your man would be overjoyed to hear from you at any time. Now if you had been calling 18 times a day and leaving several messages on his machine, that would be excessive. But you were not doing that. This guy just started to limit your phone calls because he is an asshole. Either 1) He is in a serious relationship and he does not want to get caught or 2) He is just keeping you around for sex. Either way, this man does not want a serious relationship with you. He is only using you. How can you not see this?

And then he tries to make you feel bad and tells you that you may start dating other people and see if they would like your calling habits. Hunny, he is manipulating you. Of course another guy would love to have you call. Another guy who is into you, that is. This man is trying to make you think that you are wrong and that what you are doing is wrong. You are only acting like a completely normal person in a warped relationship. He is the one who is not normal. Please don't believe a word he says.

Now, I want you to do me a favor. Send this email to the spaz for me, with all my love of course, and let him know that you have been awakened by the Diva. Let him know that you will never see him again, and then never speak to him again. Even if he send you an email in retaliation, do not answer. You deserve much better than this. Start dating other men and forget about this waste of life.

Sincerely,

Diva Rebecca