How To Get Your Ex Back

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Thursday, March 10, 2005

Time Issues

Dear Diva Rebecca,

I have been dating a man who lives 100 miles away. We have been seeing each other for four years but seriously dating for almost two years. I enjoy his company and the things we do. Here is the problem... We are both divorced and have been for a number of years. He lives alone..my daughter lives at home. He does have children but neither of them lives near him I have friends that I do things with, he has friends but rarely spends time with them. I have a very full active life..church, grandkids, pets, etc. We do the visiting thing and try to do that at least twice a month. Recently he sent me an e-mail that listed all the people and things that are more important to me than he is.....NOT TRUE! I love this man and he says he loves me. I don't want to loose him but I can not be his everything 24-7. There has to be a happy medium! He said there is/was someone else but I have not seen any signs of that. He is calling regularly and has been to my house recently. Can this relationship be saved?

Sincerely,

Time Constraints

Dear Time,

WATCH OUT!

You are in for some trouble!

This guy likes you a whole BUT he is testing you. He wants you to drop your whole life for him. If he doesn't get what he wants, he is going to make you feel worse about it, try and manipulate you and possibly even treat you poorly (ie telling you there is someone else). At his age he should understand the responsibilities you have as an active parent and an active member in your coommunity. But he sure is not acting like he does.

There can be a happy medium, but I am not sure if it is with this guy. What you should not do is try and twist your life around for him at his calling. No, he should be able to meet you halfway. Relationships are all about compromise. But if he does not even try to understand your half of it, then how is he compromising? He is not. He wants you to make all the sacrifices.

He could perhaps be feeling a little needy. If it is as innocent as this, then take a day or two to devote entirely to him and give him lots of that positive attention he needs. Let him know how much you care about him and how important to you that he is. If he tries to bring up your time issues, do not argue with him but let him know that you will work on it because you care about him so much. This should ease his heart. Spend the day with him and pamper him a little. Maybe cook him a private dinner in candle light and a footrub. Everyone needs to feel loved and adored.

Sincerely,
Diva Rebecca

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